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Do you know me? If so ... play along: link

 

So I actually had some free time today, and I loaded up ESPN. It turns out that there's some shit going down with Jeff Kent, a variably All-Star caliber second basement currently playing for the LA Dodgers. Seems that Jeff, ol' boy, has a problem with the blacks, in what is being described as a pattern of behaviors over his career.

In response, black ESPN writer Scoop Jackson (is that a really prognostic name? or a nickname...) wrote this tongue-in-cheek piece advising Kent on how to deal with black people ("The first thing you gotta understand is that sometimes we be trippin'"). In it, one of his main points is that by saying that a black athlete doesn't hustle, a white person is intonating that they don't have to try as hard to be successful in the sport as a white dude might; that blacks are naturally gifted, and therefore can afford to be lazy, and so are.

Now here comes the part that'll piss everyone off.

I pose this merely as a topic of conversation. We're all anonymous strangers here, or at least we can be if we just put "anonymous" or "klansman" or whatever in the "Name:" field. But - isn't it actually quite possible (likely, I'd say), that the average black person is more naturally gifted in athletics, or anything involving physical strength? I mean this only in the most rigid, rational thought that shithead white folks as recently as 140 years ago (sooner?) looked at blacks as inhuman, and bred them like we breed dogs now (huh, and I bet it's nearly all white people doing that too...). So they wanted the best product (think of the selection process in Gladiator), and bred the stronger men with the stronger women. Or, worse, killed off - through abuse, neglect, or direct action - the weaker.

It is odd to me that anyone would take offense to this. In fact, it seems that the only ones who should take offense to it are racist, redneck, feeble-minded fucks that actually still think like these asshole slavemasters of days past, and are therefore identified as shitheels like their forefathers. Current white people shouldn't be offended - we're only tangentially involved in this story anyway, and with no direct, causal relation. Black people are actually quite exonerated by this story, in my mind, because it again is by no direct actions on their part. They are only the victims - the 'output', if you will - of this heinous shit. And it seems to say nothing bad about yall as people anyway.

It's all-too-politically-correct to scoff this sort of thinking off as racist, but I think it's quite the opposite. It would be racist if it drew illogical or irrational conclusions, based solely on the color of someone's skin, not thinking through any deeper causes or effects.

Now, for the life of me, I can't find any statistics on the racial composition of any of the major sports. But I did find a US Census document (pdf) stating that 13% of the American population is black. Baseball is known as the most diverse (read: least black) of the main three sports, and 'less than 9%' of baseball players are black (source). I'd have to imagine that the NFL is at least 40% black and the NBA is at least 60% black. If there isn't some evolved proclivity at work here, I'd still like to hear a more convincing explanation than "there's nothing better to do in the ghetto." Now that shit sounds racist to me.

Now Hispanics, on the other hand ...

My brother got this from a friend. Any ideas?

Sometimes I am known to measure. I am found in the Temple of Aviators. On earth, under me you will find God. What am I?

1) you watch a kid pull down his pants and take a dump. On the sidewalk.

2) everyone tells you that you MUST try the girlled cow heart (because it's delicious, of course!)

3) a bathroom with toilet paper is a luxury.

4) your cab ride costs $2 and you're sure you're being ripped off.

5) city buses, full of passengers, routinely stop to get gas in the middle of their routes.

6) chickens are as often passengers on buses as people.

Okay, so keeping in mind that American Pie is the ultimate example for this list, the initial cut looks like:

1. American Pie (Don McClean)
2. Desperado (Eagles)
3. Hotel California (Eagles)
4. Wrong Way (Sublime)
5. Santeria (Sublime)
6. What I Got (Sublime)
7. Piano Man (Billy Joel)
8. New York State of Mind (Billy Joel)
9. Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison)
11. Sailing Away (Styx)
12. Yesterday (The Beatles)
13. Imagine (The Beatles)
14. Let It Be (The Beatles)
15. Blackbird (The Beatles)
16. Pour Some Sugar On Me (Def Leppard)
17. Livin' On a Prayer (Bon Jovi)
18. Wanted Dead or Alive (Bon Jovi)
19. You Give a Love a Bad Name (Bon Jovi)
20. Yellow Ledbetter (Pearl Jam) [even if no one knows the lyrics]
21. The Weight (The Band) [good call, Stacita, even if I don't know the words]
22. Born in the USA (Bruce Springsteen)
23. Shimmer (Fuel) [Thank you, I was trying to remember what song this was]
24. Don't Stop Believin' (Journey) [ahhh Journey]
25. Alive (Pearl Jam)
26. Jack and Diane (John Mellencamp) [good one, Mel]
27. Son of a Preacher Man (Dusty Springfield)
28. Cats in the Cradle (Harry Chapin)
29. Leavin' on a Jet Plane (John Denver) [heh heh, the irony]
30. Blister in the Sun (Violent Femmes) [it's not just the chorus, baby]

Didn't make my cut:
1. Yellow Submarine (The Beatles) [great song, just have a lot of Beatles on here already]
2. Burrito Lady (Chipotle commercial) [great song, but ... but ...]
3. We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions (Queen) [great song, just too corny]
4. Ob-la-di Ob-la-da (The Beatles) [see reasoning for #2]
5. Me Gusta Mueve Mueve [uhhh]
6. Respect (Aretha) [great great song, just not "rock" enough for me (for my singalong CD) ]
7. Here I Go Again (Whitesnake) [just cuz I don't really know the words except the fantastic chorus]
8. Paradise by the Dashboard Light (Meatloaf) [this should totally be on someone's singalong CD, just not mine]
9. Closer to Fine (Indigo Girls) [yeah, just too girly]

So on my ride in this morning, the great American Pie came on. After I got done singing every word, I started thinking "What are the best sing along songs?" Then a live version Desperado (Eagles) came on. Again, every word. So here's the beginnings of a list, help me fill it out.

These aren't necessarily "driving songs" ... but just songs you love singing along to, that everyone loves singing along to (so kitch 80s poptart stuff doesn't count, Mel :P ), and for now let's stick to rock (no rap for this list).

1. American Pie (Don McClean)
2. Desperado (Eagles)
3. Hotel California (Eagles)
4. Wrong Way (Sublime)
5. Santeria (Sublime)
6. What I Got (Sublime)
7. Piano Man (Billy Joel)
8. New York State of Mind (Billy Joel)
...

Hi all ...

Now let me begin by saying that I am not intending to be dead anytime soon. At all.

However, inspired by a piece of media I consumed today, I am attempting an exercise that is aimed, quite contrarily, at understanding my life. If you do not understand that distinction, that is okay, but you should probably not attempt this exercise. For anyone else, I would really, truly love to hear that you gave this a shot. Ah and if you can guess the 'media', congratulations - you've just won two copies; one for you, and one for you to give to someone you think will 'get it'.

The exercise: I would like you to write your Last Will & Testament. I have no idea what these generally look like. That doesn't so much matter. But I would like you to pretend, for just a moment, that you are truly dying. Your end is imminent. And you have to write your last words to the world. You also have to figure out how to divide your belongings.

This is probably a multi-hour activity, at the minimum. I ask only that you give this 10 minutes. I recommend that you do this in Notepad, or whatever your most basic editor is (or on paper). This will help keep you focused on the words.

Some final points on my attempt here - I am writing this in my apartment (last night), where I have no internet, and no wills laying around. So I have no idea where to start. I spent about a half hour on it. To give you an idea, here's how I started.

The Last Will and Testament of Lee Jason Fuhr

Created: Monday, February 28, 2005
Last Edited: Monday, February 28, 2005, 11:55pm

I will begin by saying that I do not know the standards around a document of this type. More importantly, I am not concerned with this.

That said, the first thing I want to say is that I have an unbounding and powerful love for my family. There are no words that can sufficiently capture the positive force that this nucleus has provided in my life, but I shall try.

I will gladly share my result with anyone who gives this an earnest effort and shares it with me. I know this is very personal. But it is also meant to be read publicly. And it can have a profound effect on you.

Please don't bother mocking this. I know it's easy to. But I'll just delete your comments if you do, and you're stealing the point here. As evidence of the realism I intend here, I state here that in the unfortunate and unexpected event that I do pass in the near future, please use this document as my standing Will.

Now ... really ... imagine you have a rare form of progressive, inoperable stomach cancer. You have one month to live. You are scared in a way that you have never been scared. You can feel your mind race with the things you haven't yet done, and with the things you have. Now, write to the world.