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I may have posted this at some point, but let's pretend not. We all know those people that talk about music in such a way that you are forced to assume they know more than you'll ever know, and you are forever their bitch. But have you considered the alternative? They may be faking it! Perhaps you can out-fake them!

Learn how: link. 

Yeah, I was gone for a while. What of it?

This is a fun game to play while you're thinking about how to finally off yourself. There's 73 bands represented in this image (click for a larger version, genius). For instance, what's the man with the big hammer doing to those pumpkins?

-- SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS - LEAVE YOUR FINDS AS WELL --

This was a crazy, wonderful weekend, starting with that old tradition, the Office Picnic. Ours involved way too much beer and ended with joy rides in a director's borrowed Porche 911 Carrera. Until someone clipped the curb, completely detaching the front right wheel from the car.

Then yesterday was a couple hours of tailgating before the Padres game, only to find out that our 11 tickets were, in fact, for the Friday's game.

Last night was a great cap to the weekend - Green Day at Coors Amphitheater. This band has really grown into being rock superstars, and they put on a hard-rockin', fireworks-supported show featuring plenty of crowd-chanting. They've become one of those bands where you see them and realize you know a lot of their songs. So there was plenty of singing-along.

That combined with the dozen cigarettes I had at the show should combine for some interesting throat dynamics over the next day or two.

Isn't the "this is what I did today!" aspect of the blog world just assiduously tedious?

I had my full iTunes library on shuffle, when on comes "Walking On Sunshine", that all-too-fucking-cheery song from the 80s that you now have stuck in your head. How happy! Weee!

But the most funnest part? It's by "Katrina & The Waves".

I couldn't make that shit up if I tried. See?

I'm walking on sunshine , wooah
I'm walking on sunshine, woooah
I'm walking on sunshine, woooah
and don't it feel good!!

So after a weekend dominated by the humungo music festival Street Scene, it is my duty to review the acts to which we bore witness. In order from "disappointing" to "blessing":

14. Death Cab For Cutie
They go first because this was the only true disappointment in the show. I love their album work, had high hopes, but this just doens't translate to a large venue. Oh well.

13. Swollen Members
Didn't know them, but they were introduced as "hip-hop pioneers", then I swear the lead rapper dude looked like Don Henley or something. Sucked.

12. Method Man
Was looking forward to seeing a legend, but was disappointed as I remembered why I never got into his shit in the first place. Large dose of "it all sounds the same", combined with muffled delivery and generic beats. Eh.

11. Von Bondies
Had no idea about these guys, and to be honest I don't really remember this one. So I'll put it somewhere in the middle.

10. Garbage
This could have sucked, and it sorta did. But they sounded pretty tight. When it was bad, it sounded like The Cranberries or something. When it was good, it was a bit better. Don't rush out for them though. (Though they did afford us the opportunity to chortle delightedly as we walked up and said "Yup, this sounds like garbage")

9. Dashboard Confessional
Sure, it's whiny pussy emo shit. But as long as you allow for that, and ignore that the lead singer seems to basically be up there trying to make as many sheep-minded women swoon as possible, it's not bad.

8. The Adolescents
Yup, that's punk music. They sounded good 'n loud.

7. Snoop Dogg
Only caught about 10 minutes, as the Pixies were on at just about the same time. But this was the biggest crowd of the festival, and I'm pretty sure this woulda been quite a fuggin show.

6. Flaming Lips
So if you know of the 'Lips, you know they do a show involving people in cuddly bunny outfits, and strage-ities going on from there. No, I'm serious. So that's what they did - came out with about 30 cuddly bunnies, tigers, two giant suns with flashlights inside, a kid in a Star Wars Halloween costume with light saber ... and the lead singer inside a giant ball that he rolled around over the crowd on. Then they covered Bohemian Rhapsody. Recipe for disaster, certainly, but I'll be damned if it wasn't an amazing cover that had EVERYONE feeling good. Then they did one of their own songs. Not so good. Then we left to see some Method Man. Then we came back, and they closed with a cover of Black Sabbath's "War Pigs", and god damn they owned that too. Conclusion - these are some freaky hippies that make for a great cover band.

5. Kasabian
When I listen to their CD, I think "Gosh, this must make for great arena rock. Golly." And I was right ... the sound just translates really well to such a large venue. I love their little electronic Atari sounds. (Gimmecky? sure)

4. Mix Master Mike
If you don't know who MMM is, you should. He's likely the most respected DJ on the planet (bring on the dissention), and he showed why. This show was just pure fun, as he cut in everyone's favorite hip hop shit, then cut in a whole bunch of rock stuff, from Nirvana to Sabbath. Just a fun, feel-good show that at times left our jaws agape at his scratching skill.

3. Pixies
This is one of those bands that music snobs seem to love to love. I'd never really heard their stuff, and I think I only reconginzed one song. So to me, this was really just a good muthafuckin rock show. They rocked hard, and they sounded tight. Truth be told, this was the very last band we saw and all of our bodies were hurtin. But I came away saying "I'm not sure why these guys are regarded as such dieties, but they definitely seem to be a helluva rock band."

2. Flogging Molly
Going in, this was probably the surest bet. These guys play balls-to-the-wall Irish rock. Great drinking music. Great for crowds of drinking people. And basically, they executed with full fervor. This was a helluva goddamned show. I'd love to have them play my wedding and blow the doors off the joint.

1. The White Stripes
Wow. So ... the Whites have been hailed for the past couple years as the second coming in rock. The saviours. So I picked up their albums. And I thought "Mmhmm. That's rock music alright. So?" Well, now I get it. This was the only show where I left thinking "I just saw something important." These two - TWO - people come out, her to the drums, him to the mic with a guitar. And they absolutely filled the place with sound. They didn't even seem to give a shit we were there, which could be bad, but here was great. It was like watching John jam with Paul or something. Jack (White) switched between a few guitars, a ukelele, and the xylephone - which he rocked. Meg (White) mostly stayed at home on her drums (with some weird bell-type instrument), did meaty backup vocals, then played walked over and played the timpanis. I can't really encapsulate what happened on this stage. But next time I hear the paucity of decent new rock explained with "There's really nothing left to do with rock music", I will confidently point to The White Stripes.


And then there are the bands I don't get to really criticize, since we didn't see them, to varying degrees of disappointment. Bands we missed:

• The Killers
• Social Distortion
• 311
• Black Eyed Peas
• Unwritten Law
• The Used
• Rise Against
• Louis XIV
• Hot Hot Heat
• The (International) Noise Conspiracy
• Spoon
• Autolux
• The Perceptionists
• Morningwood
• The Locust
• Hard-Fi

The lesson here: if you have a chance to see The White Stripes (at any venue, but especially a small one), don't miss the generational event that they are.

Personal update - I'm leaving work a bit early to go to Street Scene, where tonight I'll be seeing The Adolescents, Hot Hot Heat, Kasabian, Flogging Molly, Garbage, and The White Stripes. (Skipping Black Eyed Peas, since they became a shit machine)

Tomorrow I'll return to see Spoon, Death Cab, The Flaming Lips, The Pixies, and hopefully at least some of Mixmaster Mike, Method Man, and Snoop.

Timing'll be tough, but there's so much to see. Poor us. 

I know I did. Oops. But AOL - yes, AOL - has posted video of much of the shows. Check it: link

Now here's a cause we can all get behind. And if you can't ... well ... at least you have that shiny red helmet for when you accidentally walk into a wall. Sign the petition: link

(Thanks Josh)

According to Spin magazine, the best album of the last 20 years is Radiohead's "OK Computer", followed by Public Enemy's "It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back" and then Nirvana's "Nevermind".

Personally, I think Pearl Jam's "Ten" was a better album than "Nevermind", has sold more, and I'd say has had at least as much influence. In fact, I may have to put it at #1. But I'm not sure. Beastie Boys' "Paul's Boutique"? Britney Spears' "Britney Spears"?

Your thoughts?

Noooooo! "Destiny's Child announces breakup" Why do I even bother waking up in the morning?! (This linked from the home page of CNN.com, America's go-to source for news) Link