www.leefur.com

Busting out of nearly a month of silence with hilarity. Tragic hilarity, but still hilarity.  (Thanks Cat)

Link
 

This is old news now, but I just heard about it ...

Wal-Mart stirred outrage yesterday when its Web site suggested that shoppers who wanted to buy a "Planet of the Apes" DVD would be interested in biopics of famous black Americans like Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Hah!

Link

My alma mater, New Jersey, seems to be going through a bit of a re-branding effort. So in an effort to encourage visitors to judge us not just by the 7 mile stretch of the NJ Turnpike by New York that is flanked by the smelliest chemical sludge factories on the planet, I present to you the new slogan:

New Jersey, Come See For Yourself

... just please ignore the parts that suck ... in fact, just head south, or maybe west to the mountains.

Perhaps "Only the Strong Survive" would have been better.

By the way, the top 5 contenders:

:: New Jersey: Expect the Unexpected.
:: New Jersey: Love at First Sight.
:: New Jersey: The Real Deal.
:: New Jersey: The Best Kept Secret.
:: New Jersey: Come See for Yourself.

(Thanks Goldsmith)

Link and official announcement

According to a recent survey, men and women can agree that a potential mate's car can have a significant impact on their assessment of that person. They agree that the make, model, and cleanliness of a car can impact the level of attraction they may have.

By the way, this survey - which tells us that we must have a nice car if we want to attract a mate or have any likelihood of having any sex again, ever - was sponsored by the Ford Motor Company, to coincide with the launch of their new stylish new Fusion sedan, starting under 18 at a dealer near you.

Buy Ford. Get ass.

Completely stolen from Reuters

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Four years ago, Etienne Verhees broke two vertebrae falling off a ladder, after which doctors put a metal plate in his neck to help heal the wound.

This week, the Belgian coughed up one of four screws used to hold the plate in place.

"I have had a cold for the past few days," Verhees told daily Gazet Van Antwerpen. "I had a terrible cough a few days ago. That's when I suddenly felt something in my mouth.

"It turned out to be a screw."

One of the doctors involved told the paper he assumed the screw had moved because of an infection Verhees suffered following a second operation, which caused his neck to swell.

It's wonderful reading about Dubya's approval ratings catching up to what us coasters have felt about him for a long while now. I wanted to pass along a page I found, tracking Bush's approval ratings over the course of his administration. Click the image below. You can see in the small image the red line (his approval) dipping over time, as the blue line (his disapproval) rises accordingly.

Also, I clearly remembered Clinton having an approval rating around 70% (nearly double Bush's). So I found this article showing Clinton's approval at the beginning of that impeachment nonsense jumping to 73% (!), and this one showing it at 62% as he started his second term. Finally this one, which tracks tons of poll results over time. It seems that Clinton never dipped below about 56%, and was seldom below the 60s.

What happened? I'm talking to you, Middle America. This is your fucking fault.

So, like, back in April, Tommy had this total crush on that chick Katie. You know, that cute freshman with the boobs. So aaaanyway, he musta asked her out and they totally started dating. And they were, like, totally in love! Like, right away! Tooootally meant for each other, even if Tommy's a senior and she's still just a freshman.

So THEN, you'll never believe what happened!! He asked her to marry him! Isn't that romantic! It was even in Paris where he asked her! Like, oh my god, if Tommy ever asked me to marry him in Paris I'd like toooootally say yes! He's toootally dreamy, especially for a short, snotty guy with blue-white teeth...

Then Tommy went sorta crazy. It was kinda like that part of American Pie where that big dopey guy was totally falling in love with that scary lookin choir chick, and he started singing to all those wet naked boys in the locker room. It was just like that! But kinda crazier.

So THEN, you'll never believe what happened. Tommy thought that Katie should act more grown up, like him, and start using the name "Kate" instead of "Katie". Isn't that a great idea! So now he got to name her totally! Both last name AND first name! Omigosh! And look how happy they look together!

But WAIT! I didn't think they would, but they've tooootally been doin it! You're probably wondering how I'd know something like that, huh? Well get THIS - she's preggers! That's right, she has a toothy, short little bun in the oven!

That kid is SO not gonna be insane.

For anyone who's heard the recent story about Oprah completely bitching out and embarassing the CEO - the CEO!! - of Hermes on national television for not letting her into the store after it was closed (my God she's infuriating), I present the opening lyrics to the Led Zeppelin classic "Stairway to Heaven":

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying the stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.

For those that haven't heard it, do your own analysis from the story. Please note that she describes getting to the store 15 minutes after it closes. And she then manages to accuse the store of turning her away because they are racist. Have any of you ever worked retail? Or any time-shift based job? What are you thinking, 15 minutes after closing?

So I present this letter to La Madame:

 

Dear Ms. Winfrey,

Fuck you. Really, fuck you.

Just start your religion and get on with it. You'll have a hundred million house frows paying dues inside of a day. So just do it. Your sheer separation from the fabric of our reality wouldn't be so upsetting if you weren't in such cheerful denial about it. And that wouldn't be nearly so upsetting if that veneer didn't fool so many stupid, stupid fat American women.

So either start up the religion, or fuck off. Please.

Lee

PS I'm available as a manservant. My rates are set, firm but fair. Just like my lovin'.

As reported by Gabe, I have some bad news. If there is a God in the Heavens, this is just idle speculation, and that's all it will ever be. Either way, I'd like to have the proposing senators immediately fired, disbarred, impeached, or whatever it is you do to people like that to make them go away.

Picture This: Ben Affleck, Senator From Va.

If you liked him as Bennifer . . . you'll love him as Benator!

That's the hot new idea being tossed around by Virginia Democrats, who are desperately searching for a big name to challenge the reelection bid of rising GOP star Sen. George Allen next year, now that outgoing Gov. Mark Warner has ducked out.

Full story.

Sigh.

If you haven't already, you really should listen to this interview of New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin. Dude is dealing with the horrors of the aftermath, and is downright fed up with the slow/non-existent federal response. Listen all the way through, please. Do it.

Listen: link.