www.leefur.com

 

"I appreciate that many readers will be profoundly distrustful of the tack I am taking here," he writes. "They will see me as just another liberal professor trying to cajole them out of some of their convictions, and they are dead right about that -- that's what I am, and that's exactly what I am trying to do."

According to a recent survey, men and women can agree that a potential mate's car can have a significant impact on their assessment of that person. They agree that the make, model, and cleanliness of a car can impact the level of attraction they may have.

By the way, this survey - which tells us that we must have a nice car if we want to attract a mate or have any likelihood of having any sex again, ever - was sponsored by the Ford Motor Company, to coincide with the launch of their new stylish new Fusion sedan, starting under 18 at a dealer near you.

Buy Ford. Get ass.

I heard the following story this morning:

Morning Edition, October 11, 2005 · The Reagan Presidential Library could be the last place you'd expect to find age discrimination, but about 30 volunteers there say they've been relieved of their touring duties because they're too old. A library official says the volunteers were given "emeritus" status because of the "physical and intellectual" rigors of the job -- not their age. The volunteers though, who are mostly in their 70s, point out that many of them are younger than the Gipper was when he left the presidency.

I literally said out loud "What. The. Fuck?" as they finished the story up. So these sharp-witted volunteers' defense is that one guy once was able to hold a job at that ripe old age? If you're not capable of performing a job duty, you shouldn't hold that position. Period.

I speak from the high throne of relative youth. And I admire societies in places like Japan that revere their elders. I think we should respect people that have put a lifetime of work into making our world a better place to live, at least for their own families. We don't want to be discarded, so we shouldn't do it to them. Fine.

But that doesn't mean we should ignore the fact that they are less capable in many physical and mental processes. Reaction times are slower, learning is slower, memory is unreliable, strength is compromised, endurance is weakened, agility limited. These are the ol' facts of life, a result of the limited lifespan of our cellular composition. No one likes it. So I'm not saying these souls should be abandoned because they're slow, shaky, and smell like moth balls and formaldehyde. Just put them in positions that suit their new set of abilities. We will always need librarians.

For anyone who's heard the recent story about Oprah completely bitching out and embarassing the CEO - the CEO!! - of Hermes on national television for not letting her into the store after it was closed (my God she's infuriating), I present the opening lyrics to the Led Zeppelin classic "Stairway to Heaven":

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying the stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.

For those that haven't heard it, do your own analysis from the story. Please note that she describes getting to the store 15 minutes after it closes. And she then manages to accuse the store of turning her away because they are racist. Have any of you ever worked retail? Or any time-shift based job? What are you thinking, 15 minutes after closing?

So I present this letter to La Madame:

 

Dear Ms. Winfrey,

Fuck you. Really, fuck you.

Just start your religion and get on with it. You'll have a hundred million house frows paying dues inside of a day. So just do it. Your sheer separation from the fabric of our reality wouldn't be so upsetting if you weren't in such cheerful denial about it. And that wouldn't be nearly so upsetting if that veneer didn't fool so many stupid, stupid fat American women.

So either start up the religion, or fuck off. Please.

Lee

PS I'm available as a manservant. My rates are set, firm but fair. Just like my lovin'.

(Hopefully by the end of this, you realize I'm kidding in that headline)

About the time when I was born, a professor at a major American university suggested the school paint the visitor's locker room pink because it would have a soporific effect on the players. Over time, the athletic department expanded this to include pink walls, showers, lockers, carpeting, sinks, and urinals.

Fast forward to the present, when some lady psychologist from a visiting school has gotten her granny panties in a twist, claiming that this pink color treatment is demeaning to women and homosexuals.

My question is this: Is the current community of women and of homosexuals so brittle that surrounding a bunch of man-apes in pink is going to crumble it to the ground? Or even crack it just a bit? Why are people who complain about things like this given a soapbox and a megaphone to amplify their inane babble?

I'm all for full rights for women. (I mean, except the right to vote, of course; women clearly can't make rational decisions and shouldn't be allowed to help choose our leaders. I mean, look where that's gotten us.) I'm also for full rights for homosexuals. Go ahead, get married, adopt kids, fuck on park benches, take over neighborhoods that need to be cleaner and have better restaurants. But for fuck's sake, can't football be football?

And beyond that, if you're "a gay" on a visiting team, are you gonna be in that pink chamber thinking "This is soooo offensive to my delicate football player taste. I never have to deal with such hardship!!!" (insert lisps at your discretion).

This world has too much time on it's hands.

Anyway, here's the story on ESPN: link

A quick Google search gets you a bunch of largely redundant articles

Followup to the recent battle here, I present this article from the Onion as evidence that rape - with bonus murder! - can be funny (thanks Breslin for the heads-up):

Reporters Comb New Orleans For Heartwarming Story

September 21, 2005 | Issue 41•38

NEW ORLEANS—Journalists and TV-news crews continued to comb the wreckage of New Orleans for a heartwarming story last week. "We thought we found a cute lost puppy on a rooftop, but when I tried to retrieve him, he chewed me up pretty good," CNN reporter Gary Tuchman said. "At least we did better than those guys from WGN—they thought they'd reunited an elderly married couple, but they just happened to have similar last names, and the guy raped the old lady to death in the Superdome basement." Many reporters have abandoned the heartwarming angle, instead concentrating on looting houses in the exclusive Port Charles neighborhood.

 

Does anyone remember the word "Taliban"? The feelings it would elicit, say, 3 years ago? I know the president doesn't give one coke rock about them, but in a "hey! over here! pay attention to us!" move that smacks of North Korea's Kim Jong Il's actions in the past, the Taliban took credit for blasting a US helicopter out of the skies over Afghanistan. (link)

What's this "Afghanistan", you ask? Good question, I had to look it up, too. Turns out it's this country that houses some group that tried to kill off a couple million Americans, but sadly only got a few thousand. Whatever - ancient history.

I heard about this, then saw it on Gabe's blog and lost my mind at it.

The Discovery Channel worked with America Online to nominate and then rank the 100 "Greatest Americans of All Time". The first sign that this list is faulty - Tom Cruise is on there. No - really. He is. So is Dr. Phil. And Madonna. And ex-con (!!!) Martha Stewart. And four - FOUR! - members of the Bush family.

All that is quite terrifying. But it gets worse when you look at the rankings near the top. Ranked 18th, funny man Bob Hope. (but wait, it gets better) A bit higher, at #11, famed anti-Semite Billy Graham. (but wait, it gets better) At #9, chatty house-wife hero Oprah Winfrey. The ninth "greatest" American - ever! At #6, the least popular president in forever, hated by the world, hated at home - Georgie W. Bush.

Then, ranked ahead of Ben Franklin, George Washington, Martin Luther King, and Abe Lincoln - all of whom are fantastically deserving - who do you think is the single greatest American of all time? The SINGLE ... GREATEST?

Ronald "I like jelly beans" Reagan. From Discovery's own site, the differentiating reasons I gleaned for his badge of honor:
(1) he was a great letter writer
(2) he headed a labor union
(3) he had been an actor
(4) he had gotten divorced
(5) he was elected in a year ending in 0 and he didn't die in office, and finally ...
(6) he loved jelly beans

I'm convinced!

This country is filled with fantastically retarded, cheeseburger chomping slobs and it is sometimes just embarassing to be lumped in. How do you think other countries look at a list like this? Oh wait, I forgot ... "fuck 'em". Sigh.

Official site, with top 25 ranked: link
Official site, full 100, unranked: link

Following up on earlier posts (spinal cord regrowth, fukin' Bush, S. Korea steps in), here's a collection of poll results from various sources on America's opinions on stem cells. The short version of the story? America supports stem cell research, lifting limits on spending, etc. In a related story, I heard today that Bush's approval rating reached its lowest point yet, with 52% DISapproving of the job he's doing. Good job, red states. Link

Know what I don't like? When I'm in an elevator with some stranger and they strike up a conversation about how slow the elevator is. It seems to me that every elevator in the world is slow as molasses. Well la-dee-fucking-da. How interesting. Shut up and look at the wall like me.